The Darkness Within
by Lady Carlton
Summary: REPOST. A OneShot set after Season 5 finale. After saying "yes" to Lucifer, Sam finds himself struggling with his dark side...


_**Author's Note:** So, like I mentioned on my profile, I gave up on making this story a multi-chapter so it's back on its OneShot form. I was to edit or re-write it but I didn't. Might do it later. Or not. Anyways. Because I liked it so much, I'm posting it again._

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><p>And deep down, he could still hear his brother's words echoing, loudly and hurtful...<p>

"I tried Sammy, man I _really_ tried but I just can't keep pretending that everything is alright because it's not and it's _never_ going to be. You **choose** a demon over your own brother and look what happened."

That certainly was not the most brilliant of all decision, and now, with the current situation installed, he reafirmed to the only part of himself he could recognize...

"You know I would give anything, anything, to take it all back."

_Anything... In fact, I'd give everything to turn back time, I'd never make that choice..._

He tried to close his eyes, but he knew he didn't succeed.

_Dammit!_

He had never regreted any decision he made, but this time... This time he knew he screwed everything. But knowing he was the responsible for this whole shit didn't make the things any easier. On the other hand, things were getting worst at every second.

"I _know_ you would," Dean's voice still haunting him. "And I _know_ how sorry you are, I do, but man you were the _one_ that I _**depended on the most**_ and you let me down in ways that I **can't** even.." The dissaponting always evident on his brother's voice was hurting every piece of his conciousness "I'm just... I'm having a hard time **forgiving and forgetting** here, you know?"

_Yeah... _He thought quietly._ I don't blame you, Dean... **I'm** having a hard time forgiving and forgetting myself... _

He sighed, completely aware of his failure.

Whoever passes through him right now, wouldn't see his sigh and would never imagine how hard he was struggling... with his memories and with his present.

"What can I do?" He asked this question to himself repetedly. Several times and he couldn't help himself thinking about his brother's answer..

"Honestly? _Nothing_. I just don't... I don't think we can ever be what we were, you know? _I just don't think I can trust you_."

He never forgot his brother's answer, or the pain build in every syllable. Those words made more damage than any other physical injury he had ever suffered. More than once, Dean put their family bonds over their job.. More than once he jeopardize his own life to save his little brother..

"I'm not a kid anymore, Dean"

"Maybe not.. But you act like one sometimes"

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><p><em>'Seems like someone else's life, don't you think... Sammy?'<em>

Sam realized he was standing in front of a broken mirror. It was his face there reflected, staring right back at him but there were two different creatures. On the other hand, if such thing was possible, he would punch that son of a bitch on the fucking face... but, unfortunatelly, he wasn't in control.

"Do not call me Sammy."

The stranger smirked.

_'Oh Sammy... Sammy, Sammy, Sammy... I say we should work a little bit harder on our friendship, don't you think?'_

"We will never be friends, understand? NEVER. And stop calling me Sammy, you son of a bitch."

He laughed. The creature staring back at him laugh hard, like what he said was some kind of joke... and Sam felt an enormous hateful wave taking control of him, while he heard the other speaking to him again.

_'Oh my dear...' _He seemed quite amused, wearing an irritating smile on his face_. 'Your rage is pointless, useless and harmless. You are not going anywhere and I? Well ... I feel pretty comfortable under your pretty skin... Who on Earth would believe that the good looking, quite gentleman Winchester would end up being Lucifer's vassal?' _He laughed once again. Lucifer was having so much fun._ 'Oh my... Life is tricky, don't you think?' _That was a retorical question, no space for replies and he continued his speech_. 'I do. I think it's better this way because I never get bored... It amuses me all the time! So ... you better get used to it.' _He was still smiling, mockery.

If he could reach for a gun, he'd blow that demon's head off. It didn't mind it was his own body, because that thing, it was the devil.

"I will never get used to a piece of crap like you. I'll get rid of you, you scum. And I'll send you back to your filthy hole, you asshole."

_'Oh, really? I'm looking forward to see it happening. I really am.' _That stupid smile on his face was getting on his nerves.

"Dean will find you and h-"

_'DEAN? FIND **ME**? Oh... stop, you're making me laugh so hard I can't breath properly. You're killing me... I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself.'_

Sam never saw that much confidence. He was starting to hate his figure.

_'Your brother, sweet peas, is *not* hunting anymore. Dean Winchester is no longer a kickass demon killer. He's just an ordinary guy, living with his ordinary wife - which I must say, is not his best prize possesion - at their average house in the middle of the state of Winsconsin.'_

"NO!" That had to be a joke. Dean would never give up hunting. "You're wrong! Not Dean!"

_'You saw that for yourself, Sammy...'_

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME SAMMY!"

_'You know.. This attitude of yours... It ain't gonna help you, especially now that you're all by yourself.'_

"You're lying..."

_'Why would I lie to you, Sam?'_

"Oh.. I don't know.. Maybe because you're a demon and..."

_'And what? I want you to come to the dark side? You already said 'yes' to me. Do I want to take this world? Look around you, kid. This world is already damned. Do I want to get rid of God? God's not here anymore. He gave up. Just like your brother, he gave up ... May I say, it makes sense. I mean, Dean was Michael's vassal, and God himself gave up, so.. why wouldn't you brother gave up? He's just a human being.. So, think Sam. Am I lying? *Why* would I lie?'_

Sam didn't answer. He didn't have an answer._  
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